Back when I was in college, I've given myself a timeline that when I reach the age of twenty five, I must be successful having this and that and doing this and that. Little did I know, the age I timelined myself was just the start of everything... or probably the peak of what I am about to become. To put this into context, along the way my plans effed up but they effed up properly because where I am right now is where I'm supposed to be.

Twenty five was definitely my year of knowing myself better and my year of pushing myself beyond my limits. It was a year of taking big leaps of faith and taking risks. It was a constant battle between my emotions too. I got my heart broken and experienced pain I never thought existed. I realized that I shouldn't be too dependent and too emotionally attached. I then realized how strong my faith to God is despite the pain because once I stopped contradicting His plans and once I started letting go and trusting Him no matter how difficult, everything got so much better and everything seemed to fall into place. It's really all about moving forward with Him by my side.

"I am going to make a very beautiful life for myself no matter what it takes." 

Twenty six for me falls under the late 20s and I've told myself before that I will start travelling by late 20s. Let's see though where life will take me for as of this moment, I am very focused on my career and on getting back to ballet. There's just so much ahead of me and I just want to do so many things. And I realized that getting sad and emotional about my life's chapters will just keep me from moving forward and achieving my goals and dreams... no matter how good the art pieces I make. haha.

Being overly sentimental and overly attached and overly everything else, I tend to be scared of changes. But change is the only constant thing in this world which makes everything difficult for me. However though, I'm learning how not to live in the past, rather, make use of my past as my tools and learnings in life. Looking back, I can say that my young self is so happy and proud of who I've become. I've already come this far anyway.

My 25th year was full of vulnerability, breakdowns, and anxiety - and while I spent the last few months crying and was in a bad state of sadness and fear, (Tuffy came along, hooray) and I'm so glad to have picked myself up, alone this time without someone beside me. This time, I'm going to rise above stronger than ever. So I'm carrying all of these as I turn a year older.

Last year, I took the risk of going freelance and so far, it's going pretty well especially for my mental health (but my whole well-being really). I'm not saying this is an easy way but I came to realize that an employed life is not for me. I have a long way to go but I'm so glad that at 25 years old, I'm already a freelance interior designer who also does contractor services. And I also started establishing a furniture business, something I used to loath back in college. It's so funny how these things happen. One day I loath my furniture design classes and swore that once I graduated I will never get myself involved in the furniture industry and then 3 years after graduation, I started a furniture business with a partner! haha. And now my future plans somehow revolves on this.

With everything that has happened in my life especially all the bad ones which I'm actually very thankful for, they served as big parts in shaping me to be who I am right now. I had rough patches and difficulties going through them, of thinking that I will not surpass them as it seemed like I was stuck in a very deep and dark hole. But I was able to pull myself back up with a bunch of help from my friends (you guys know who you are) and tuffy. hehe. 

"Eventually, you'll end up where you need to be, with who you're meant to be with, and doing what you should be doing."

People come and go. Plans eff up. Work effs you up and can probably damage you. Emotions can eat you whole. So it's okay to not be okay. Don't listen to the "norm" of our society. Be single and enjoy life. You don't have to be married before 30. You don't have to have kids if you're married if you don't want to. Wear what you want. Leave (resign lol) if you must. For your own good. Let go. Take baby steps. Work slowly. A slow progress is still a progress so just keep on moving forward. You don't have to let the society dictate your way of living. Live your own life. You only get to have one life anyway.

And with that, I'm now 26 years old.
Happy birthday, self. I'm so proud of you for being here. You're strong. :)







Previous birthday posts: Twenty | Twenty Two | Twenty Three | Twenty Four |


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